A BRIEF BUT ACCURATE HISTORY OF JAMMING
The term "jam" stems from the ancient Egyptian phrase "jamius tablatutorus" which literally meant "a meeting of latin-speaking druids of questionable musical skill". Archaeologists believe that the first evidence of communal jamming can be seen the ancient Egyptian society, where it is believed that villagers hit clay pots with sticks and performed country and western music to scare evil spirits away. Jamming was not just for the peasants however. It is reported that amongst Pharaoh Tutenkhamen's many riches found in his tomb was a set of partially preserved D'Addario Nylons. Although not in top condition, they were certainly in no worse condition than the strings on Liam's Ibanez.
From simple spiritual superstitions, the people of Ancient Egypt soon developed jamming into a semi-organised semi-regular event, often having impromptu performances at weddings and Spartan slaying festivals.
Many archaeologists believe that the great Pyramids were actually in fact ancient jamming studios, used by young Egyptian amateur musicians who had annoyed too many neighbours playing at home. The unique structure and design of the pyramids was said to be perfect acoustically, however that same unique structure was not accustomed to such atonal dissonance, and many of the pyramids internally collapsed, killing all within.
There is a school of thought that jamming may have been evident prior to the ancient Egyptians...well prior. It is reported by some palaeontologists that a certain species of dinosaur (the Wonderiftheyherdus). which roamed the Earth some 60 millions years ago, was the first creatures to come together to create organised sound. Although this theory is extremely controversial, recent discoveries of ancient rock paintings in Yellowstone National Park in the US (depicted below) clearly prove that the Woneriftheyherdus was musically apt.
What is clear however is that after the demise of ancient Egypt, the practice of jamming was not seen again in documented history until the height of the Roman Empire; around 200B.C
With the Romans came modern roads, new architecture, commerce, trade and new technologies. It was not long until jamming became a fundamental part of Roman social practice, with most Roman men proficient on the electric guitar and clarinet. Roman women were traditionally not permitted to play a musical instrument, and therefore were quite proficient at the drums.
With Roman ingenuity and technology came new and exciting ways to produce and distribute sound. It is reported that the Roman Baths were actually heated by smooth 4-part harmonies, produced by slaves from the African Congo. Many historians believe that the Colosseum was originally built so that Julius Caesar didn't have to host any more jam sessions at his personal residence. It wasn't until the coming of Jesus Christ in 0B.C (approx.) that the Colosseum was used for more sinister purposes; firstly a line-dancing venue, and then the Circus Maximus.
It is not surprising to note that Jesus Christ (or J.C to his groupies) was an avid jammer. He never missed an opportunity to spread the word and lay out a smooth cover. His complete demolition of the market in the Church courtyard still inspires rock guitarists to smash their guitars to this day.
Being a budding young carpenter in down-town Jerusalem saw Jesus create the world's first wooden guitar (guitars previously had only been made out of primitive materials such as fibreglass and chloro-fluro-carbons). It is often mused by theologists and biblical historians that the last supper was one of the greatest jam nights of all, with Judas' track "Trust Me" by the Bare Naked Ladies taking out top honours. Apparently Jesus' satirical rendition of "The Son'll Come Out Tomorrow" from the musical "Annie" was slammed for its controversial connotations and general poor taste.
Glimpses of jamming can also be seen in the Old Testament, with rumours and mythology suggesting that the Ark of the Covenant actually carried Moses' Jackson Flying V, rather than the 10 Commandments. Unfortunately Moses entered the desert without his electronic tuner, condemning his people to 40 years of melodic and cognitive dissonance.
It is these roots in Christianity that has seen the art of jamming develop and become firmly entrenched in the Western world. Impromptu musical get-togethers became a tradition throughout the Renaissance period in both England and France. Many French Queens were beheaded for poor song choice, or forgetting to bring the music stand to rehearsals.
It is often thought that the first ever barbershop quartet was the well-known grouping of Robin Hood, Little John, Friar Tuck and Will Scarlet, who formed after a series of surprisingly successful impromptu jam sessions in Sherwood Forest. After many successful singles on the medieval charts, Robin married the love of his life, Maid Marion, who, according to the other members, wrestled for creative control of the group. Unfortunately, 2 years later the group broke up and was never heard from again.
Interestingly, jamming did not just follow Christianity through the ages, but can be seen developing in different cultures many hundreds of years ago. Japan's Samurai warriors were extremely proficient musicians, often dedicating their entire weekends to perfecting a single riff or paradiddle.
In ancient Japanese, which happens to be identical to modern Japanese and ancient Dutch, the word "Samurai" literally means "death by meticulous rhythm", and it is thought that the Samurai warriors were the first people to rub their bows across twine, causing a blood-curdling aural weapon to repel enemies. This technique is known today as playing the violin.
Jamming really began to emerge as a modern cultural tradition during the early 19th Century, particularly in France and England. It is said that war expedites development, and there is certainly no doubt that the savage war between the English and French saw a dramatic increase in the use of music and impromptu jamming as a means of boosting morale amongst the troops. It is often said that the first ever marching band was actually an early jam session, whose performers refused to postpone yet again after receiving urgent marching orders. Unfortunately most of them were shot by their own countrymen who were sick of hearing rough three part harmonies accompanied only by snare drums and piccolos.
Conversely, the French army embraced the tradition of jamming, with Napoleon reportedly organising, and performing at, many early jamming events across his expanding empire. His throaty French ballads are often accredited to the French eventually losing the war to England, and being a pack of snivelling surrender monkeys ever since.
It is thought that through the adversity of war, the practice of jamming was fully and finally entrenched into modern culture. During Worl War II, it was not uncommon for a soldier to go into battle with a fully-loaded semi-automatic Gibson and an ammo pouch full of pub song tabs. Many a jamming session was instigated by the British troops on the beach during the horrific days at Dunkirk, until it became clear that perfecting four-part harmonies was not nearly as pressing as evacuating from France.
In fact the world famous Marshall amps were born on the beaches of Dunkirk, after a group of British engineers and radio operators wired up some primitive speakers and microphones, so that their morale-boosting jam sessions could be heard across most of Northern Europe. This primitive speaker set-up was later used to marshal the troops onto the correct ships, and hence the great "Marshall" brand of amplifiers was forged. Conflicting reports that the Roman Empire were using Marshall amps long before Dunkirk have been ridiculed as ridiculous.
During the 1960's and 1970's, jamming became a weapon of political gain, with all American troops in Vietnam issued and trained on an Ibanez well before touching an M-16. In these early days however, string breakages under fire were common, and soon every platoon had a section bass player who ensured that the rhythm never stopped whilst guitars were being restrung. Often awed by the power drop-d riffs and soaring solos, the Vietcong were often caught toe-tapping and completely unawares.
It is thought that the jamming phenomenon has also gone inter-galactic with astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin reportedly had a quick jam on the surface of the moon, just to stick it up the Russians who, at the time, couldn't organise a jam night at a guitar shop.
Later, during the height of the Cold War, U.S President Nixon is said to have attempted to cool the tension with his Russian counterpart, by organising a series of acapella barbershop sessions.
These were apparently extremely unsuccessful, as it wasn't until later that the Americans learnt that "bup-shoo-waaaa" actually means "your mother is a whore" in Russian.
Through its long and rocky history, the tradition of jamming has grown and developed into an integral part of modern culture. Although used mostly for social purposes today, it is still not without its theological, violent and political undertones. All of these elements merge to create this diverse and truly unique cultural past-time enjoyed by all!
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